Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Reality Check

(BeansTalk note: The following piece --there are several blog "chapters" to it-- is pretty much a rant...and we get pretty mean. Extremely honest, but mean, so if you are faint of heart, skip today's entry)

Speaking of Reality Check, someone needs to give some former teen idols a mirror! And to look at it, not at their waning handsomeness, but at what empty vile creatures they’ve become.

We’re very spoiled. We hold Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List as the standard for excellent celebriality programming. Griffin proves herself an ideal subject: she courts the media, she’s sharp as a tack, and she’s just so damn funny. She is also – and this is very important – extremely self-aware, or at least fairly self-aware. She sure comes across that way on her show.

None of the above accolades can be said for Scott Baio of Scott Baio is 45 …and Single or The Two Coreys – namely Corey Feldman and Corey Haim.

Now before we launch into our tiny rant of the day, let me just say that we (that’s me, the BeansTalk ME) have met and interviewed all of the above. Seriously. So we know of what we speak. We actually quite liked Scott Baio in our teens. But our love wasn't long-lasting. We quickly moved onto Timothy Van Patten (the only reason we watched White Shadow).

First off, let me just reveal the great big lie: Scott Baio is NOT 45…and Single. Baio – and this information is right from him – was born on 22 September 1960. His then- girlfriend Pam Anderson, when informed that we (he and I) share the same birthday (day NOT year), said, “Oh do you think of yourself as a Virgo or Libra? Scott and I are always arguing about that.”

Did you catch that in my digression? 1960. Which means in a month, Baio will be 47. Brooklyn Born Boy, oh-so-cute to full-fledged skanky guido, replete with mooks. There is Baio in a nutshell.

That said, let’s quickly evaluate this extraordinarily not-at-all spontaneous show. Should we say something good about him? He’s comfortable in front of the camera, so comfortable that he, without any sense of irony or embarrassment, is happy to talk about what a horrible, misanthropic creature he has been and still is

There’s little accountability in any of these man-boys (or boy-men) and there are dominant but fragile egos, all iced off with a huge dose of entitlement.

There are two aspects that almost render the show unwatchable – one is the show’s conceit, the “life coach” (in our opinion, a total crock) who so resembles a tranny we can barely stand it. “She” is fond of wearing tank tops that show off her sculpted, man-like arms. But beyond the body, it’s the face! We’re not the first to notice it. TMZ ran a photo of “Dr. Ali” right next to a pic of “All My Children’s” much-hyped first transgendered actor: Jennifer (formerly James) Boylan and the resemblance was uncanny.